I’ve never been in a hot air balloon or Delaware or contempt of court. I have tropical fish, used to have an eel but it jumped out of the tank and slithered behind a bookshelf and died alone. I like cowboy boots, fish tacos, women in old jeans, Sam Shepard plays, mimes. I’m an insomniac. But lately I’ve been sleeping better. Not sure what changed, or maybe I am and don’t want to tell you. I hate shopping for toilet paper because as I walk home with it I think everyone imagines me wiping my ass. I have two younger sisters. I want to travel to Spain. I’m terrified of losing my hair. I take my coffee black. I have a recurrent dream where my hands are made of carrots and starving people chase me. If I was going to scold an absentee landlord, I’d say: “It takes more than indoor plumbing to call this civilization.” I was born in St. Paul, Minnesota. I’m scared of heights. Crowds are starting to bother me, too. Did you know humans are the only animals to drink the milk of other species? Llamas tried it, too, but dubbed the whole experience morally debasing. Every birthday seems to illuminate more frightening things. Driving. Shaving my Adam’s apple. Sunshine. Red meat. Playgrounds under power lines. I like Elia Kazan movies. I’m a pretty lazy person. I don’t like pets. Cats or dogs. I don’t like things that will die if I don’t come home for a few days. So it’s me and the fish. And they probably hate me. That’s not the cleanest aquarium in town. Algae splotches on the glass like jungle camouflage. In fact, my plants have looked better. The laundry basket is full. The floors are dusty. Topsy-turvy heap of dishes in the sink. The bathroom, Jesus, the bathroom. I don’t like the wind, and it’s been windy in San Francisco for the last few weeks. A lot of time to write the next book, which is called From a Fragile Galaxy. I hope you like it. I like it. I just fed the fish and watered the plants and I swear I’ll get to the bathroom, so get off my case, okay? My favorite word to say out loud is “femininity.” You should say it right now. I sponge-painted my bathroom yellow. I look devious in my passport photo, not sure if I’d let me into some other country. I’d at least rifle my bag. I’m scared of snakes. Sometimes I tell lies for no reason. Bouncy car rides give me erections.
-Joshua Mohr

Hear Josh sing:
[Song co-written by Rob Barrett.]
[DJ TJ Tranquilo interview produced by Fog City Music.]

Make contact by writing to somethings.book [at] gmail.com.